Merle, Cat of Action!

Home movies:

Somebody gets it

The best assessment of today's big news comes from a commenter at the Washington Post:

"The United States is denied the chance to host the Olympic games.

Conservatives cheer.

The leader of the United States is awarded the most prestigious international award for diplomacy.

Conservatives boo.

I think someone's dictionary has a defective entry for 'patriotism.' "

Well put, sir.

The more things change, blah blah blah

Here's an exercise.

Take this article (from the wonderful SABR Baseball Biography Project), and substitute "Milton Bradley" for "Alex Johnson."

The results may be illuminating.

Despite the growing understanding of mental illness in professional sports, the most obvious examples still seem to be ignored.

Nazi sympathizer?

Pat Buchanan is insane.

Buchanan: Hitler Didn't Want War

That is all.

Dachshunds Gone Wild

Maggie and Ernie went to the vet this past Saturday to get their nails trimmed.

Maggie behaved herself, which is notable, given that she required two techs and a muzzle last time. Recall that she weighs ten pounds after a meal.

Ernie more than made up for her. He:

1) tried to make a break for the door while Maggie was being weighed,
2) had to be towed in when he sat down and refused to budge, and
3) piddled on the vet tech while being trimmed.

I'm so proud of him.

Deep Thought

Why has nobody bought the rights to "Gary's Got A Boner" for use in an ED commercial?

“I Am Proud to Be a Brick in the Statistics Building of the PRC”

Nobody parties like Chinese statisticians:

Life
Some mock me for doing statistics
Some loathe me and statistics
Some don’t understand what statistics are
Why is it that statistics
Put a calm smile on my face?
Because of statistics
I can solve the deepest mysteries
Because of statistics
I will not be lonely again, playing in the data
Because of statistics
I can rearrange the stars in the skies above
Because of statistics
My life is different, more meaningful
I love my life, my statistics

Only five of seven?

Pre-show drink preferences of the Mekons, observed at the Harmony Grill:

Jon and Sally: Magners
Rico: Stella Artois
Steve and Lu: red wine
Sarah and Susie: unknown*

*Susie did carry a margarita onstage.

Blog posts I wish had written, #1

Brilliant:

Nicey Nice: The Obama Crowley Gates Beer

Takeaway line:

"So both of you shut up and drink your Goddamned beers. Then we’re going to do a little press conference and you guys are going to act all nicey nice and smile, or I will ruin your fucking lives and your families’ lives too. I’m the Goddamned President; I’ve got better things to do than this."

The kids would call this an epic fail

The birthday boy has had his privileges revoked.

About 4 AM this morning, whilst sitting on the toilet in the dark, I notice Merle in the bathtub. Moments later, I notice he’s not alone. Turning on the light revealed a mouse in the tub as well, apparently unharmed.

I turn the light off, figuring that by the time I get up two hours later, Merle will have done his duty and offed the mouse.

Comes 6 AM, and I go into the bathroom to find Merle (still) in one end of the tub, and the mouse still very much alive and apparently unscathed at the other end. Clearly, Merle and the mouse had come to an understanding.

I, on the other hand, having no desire to share my shower with a mouse, took a container, trapped the mouse, and deposited him in the front garden. The mouse had also left several souvenirs in the tub, so I had to clean the tub as well before showering.


Perhaps there is a course in mouse-catching that Merle can enroll in. Were he still around, the late great Puck could teach it; despite his rotundness, he killed three mice in the 18 months I spent in my last apartment.

Birthday boy

First, I'd like to say that I was on vacation, but I wasn't.

Anyway. Merle turns two* today, so in his honor, a picture of him versus a squirrel from last winter.



*He was nine weeks old when I got him on my birthday two years ago. You can do the math.**

**Asterisk usage per Joe Posnanski.

Hey baby, it's the Fourth of July

Fuck yeah, this is the best country ever.

I don't want to become Drunky McTightyWhitey*

I almost stopped in the local liquor store this afternoon to buy all of the fixings needed to make margaritas. Problem is, I would have ended up drinking then all by myself. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I figure my alcohol consumption does not need to increase. My family history is agin’ me.

For similar reasons, I resisted buying a bottle of sangria last weekend. Sangria isn’t right without fruit anyway.

*Who is Drunky McTightyWhitey, you might ask.

A few years ago, when I was living with Beth and Nick, they were visiting Beth’s sister and her family, leaving me home with the dogs and cats. The Saturday morning after they left, I let the dogs out about 0700, wandered down the driveway to pick up the paper, glanced to my right to keep an eye on the dogs, and saw a neighbor several houses down picking up his paper.

Some time before this, his dog had been wandering around the neighborhood about 10 PM one night, leading Beth and Nick to walk said dog back to this neighbor’s house. He answered the door fully clothed, but rather inebriated.

This particular morning, I had no idea as to his state of intoxication, but did notice to my horror that he was clad in a t-shirt and a pair of, you guessed it, tighty whities.

The name kind of assigned itself.

Your tutu fitting will be at 3 PM, sir

Goal.com associate editor editor Shane Evans on Tuesday, forecasting yesterday's Spain-USA match:

"...If the USA wins, I'll take up ballet lessons."

Ow! My Freaking Ears!

I turned on the TV this morning, and this assaulted me:

Omni Dual Saw Televison Commercial

Now, I like power tools as much as the next statistician, but not when Billy Mays is selling them.

LARIAT-OOOOO!

A while back, I saw this story about one Shaver Hansen, a junior shortstop at Baylor, whose father is this guy.

Turns out that after hitting .330 with 17 home runs this past spring, Hansen the younger was drafted in the sixth round by the Seattle Mariners earlier this week.

All of this is really just an excuse to link to the best six minutes on YouTube.

Curly was the Zen Stooge

The words of Emmylou Harris at Ravinia this past Sunday, as reported by my brother. The context being the following lyric snippet of Patty Griffin: "I don't know why I keep doing this."

To which Emmylou observed that it reminds her of Curly's oft-repeated line "I'm trying to think, but nothing's happening."

The Zen Stooge. It fits.

Lefty blogging

In this case, Lefty Grove. I posted the following as a response to this post by America's best sportswriter, Joe Posnanski.

---
I wouldn’t take very seriously any online poll, and this one is no exception.

Grove is probably the greatest left-hander ever.

But…there’s also a fair amount of evidence, mostly dug up by the late Dick Thompson, that Connie Mack did not pitch Grove against the Yankees as often as his other starters during the 1929-31 period. For instance, according to the indispensable Retrosheet, Grove started eight games against last-place Boston in 1929, more than any other team.

Rob Neyer has mentioned this as well:
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/columns/story?columnist=neyer_rob&id=1704222

On the other hand, as Bill James pointed out, Grove spent several years in the minors when he was clearly better than most major-league pitchers of the time.

It doesn’t mean that Grove isn’t the best lefty of all time, just that the margin may not be so large between him and the rest.

Wednesday Garden (and Dachshund) Blogging

Disclaimer: All posts regarding gardening must bear in mind that I don't know what many of the plants are. You see, Beth (my ex) was the one who decided what to buy and where to plant it. I was merely the instrument of her genius.

With that out of the way:

These are in the back yard.


OK, this one I know. Lilacs.


Maggie


Ernie

"Shut Up" he explained

The President's press secretary treats Newt with the contempt he deserves:

Gibbs Dismisses Gingrich Comments As "Blog Of A Former Lawmaker"

Me, I'm glad Newt piped up, because I've been waiting for a chance to use this:

Now batting, Judge Sotomayor

Further evidence that the universe may revolve around baseball.

This was pointed out on, all places, WFMT. It will no doubt become a talking point during her confirmation (and she will be confirmed):

"On March 30, 1995, she issued the preliminary injunction against Major League Baseball, preventing MLB from unilaterally implementing a new Collective Bargaining Agreement and using replacement players, thus ending the 1994 baseball strike."

Shocking news

This has 'trainwreck' written all over it:

Michael Jackson's London Shows Already Delayed

It remains unclear if the delays are due to new plastic surgery catastrophes.

We had a barrel of fun; plus, Beer of the Day

Behold the rain barrel. Net cost of materials was about $50, including the new flexible downspout, and labor time was about two hours, spread over yesterday evening and this morning.

No injuries were sustained in the making of this rain barrel.

After finishing the barrel and mowing the lawn, I relaxed with a tasty Leinenkugel Berry Weiss. As its name indicates, it tastes of berries. A lot of berries. Not that I mind, as I have a weakness for fruity beers, but this makes it none too popular among the beer cognoscenti. Never mind what they say, though - this is a good summer beer.

Lunch thoughts

It would be ungracious of me to complain about free pizza for lunch. But, one would think that in a city with a legendary pizza tradition, the choice would not be Sbarro.

Barrel Roll

Motivated in small part by my green-ness, and in greater part by me being cheap, one of this coming weekend's projects will be building a rain barrel. Rather than seeing my water bill double during the summer months in an attempt to keep the gardens verdant, a rain barrel offers the chance to both save money and use rainwater for watering, which gardening gurus recommend.

The actual building of the barrel seems simple enough. Acquire a barrel or drum, cut a hole the top and install a screen, put a spigot in the bottom and an overflow hose near the top, place it under a downspout, and get that warm fuzzy Al Gore-like feeling of self-satisfaction.

Via Craigslist, I found a food distributor not far from my house that sells 55-gallon drums for $25. When adding the cost of the remaining parts, it means the entire operation will cost me around $50 in all. Assuming no self-inflicted injuries occur.

Beer of the Day

SKA Pinstripe Red Ale

Aroma is okay, appearance is okay, taste is okay. Spectacularly average in every possible way. The very definition of an ordinary beer.

Won't someone listen to me?

Jose Canseco holds a news conference, and (almost) nobody shows up.

"Only one reporter from The Associated Press, Canseco’s lawyer, a photographer and four camera crews attended the news conference. All but two of the 100 seats were empty."

And there are pictures:

How not to interpret data

Story in the local papers today:

Naperville ranks second in state DUI arrests

Naperville happens to be the fifth largest city in Illinois. The city with the most DUI arrests (excluding Chicago) is Rockford, which is the third largest city in the state.

Sensing a pattern?

The actual data, available at the web site of the Alliance Against Intoxicated Motorists, is better, as it ranks the municipalities by arrests per officer. Don't drink and drive in Carol Stream or Barrington.

Manny being Manny

Regarding his 50 games off - perhaps he was using Pud Galvin's monkey juice.

[UPDATE] I was closer than I knew...

followup

Dear Mary,

The show last night was magnificent - hope you made up your mind to go. Either way, thanks for not writing another 750 words about the subject.

Regards,

Tracy

Make up your damn mind already

This Chicago Tribune column has been on my nerves for about two days now.

Setting aside for a moment the absurdity of calling a 3600-seat theatre with immaculate sightlines “a large space,” the wishy-washiness on display is stunning. It doesn’t seem to be a difficult choice. Here is a legendary artist on what may be his final concert tour, performing in a splendid theater, with tickets that are expensive for the best seats, but certainly within the budget of a Tribune columnist, to say nothing of a DePaul statistician. Cough up ~100 dollars as I did and go. You won’t regret it.

So why spend 750 words on the subject, without any sort of conclusion?

Beer of the Day

This was actually a beer I had several months ago, but I just got around to rating it elsewhere.

Leinenkugel Fireside Nut Brown

Quoting myself: "Had this several months ago on tap at FitzGerald’s. Berwyn IL. Poured a deep brown with little head. Aroma was overwhelmingly sweet and artificial, and it was served far too cold. Taste was artificial as well. Couldn’t finish it. Ugh."

Shocking news of the day

Here's a surprise:

Prior reports shoulder soreness to Padres

Now, I'm being a little snarky here, but given that Prior hasn't pitched in a major league game since 2006, said snark is understandable.

For a much better discussion of the reasons Prior has gone from"can't miss prospect with perfect mechanics" to "he'll be lucky to be able to brush his teeth when he's 40":

Mark Prior's Pitching Mechanics - A Different Perspective

injury report

Continuing in the tradition of odd self-inflicted injuries, such as cutting my ass while cleaning the bathtub...

This morning, I woke up from a dream around 4, a dream in which I was talking to Jon Stewart while we were using a public washroom. Needless to say, this prompted me to get out of bed and piddle.

With two cats not wanting to be disturbed, I sat up, leaned over, and reached for the footboard while climbing over the side. It was dark, of course, and I missed. Instead of grasping the footboard with my right hand, I tried to grasp it with my chest. Didn't work.

By this time tomorrow, I should have a nice bruise just below my collarbone.

Burning questions

What is the collective noun for dachshunds?

I'm considering "a wiggle," but am open to suggestions.

Beer of the Day

Pyramid Rollick Amber Lager

While marketed as a spring seasonal, this is more of a summer brew. A good balance of hops and malt, resulting in a drinkable lager with a bite of hops. A far cry from the crappy macros.